Golf can best be defined as an endless
series of tragedies obscured by the
occasional miracle, followed by a good
bottle of beer.
Golf! You hit down to make the ball go
up. You swing left and the ball goes
right. The lowest score wins. And on top
of that, the winner buys the drinks.
Put means to place a thing where you
want it. Putt means merely a vain
attempt to do the same thing.
of Physics States ... it's easier to get
up at 6:00 AM to play golf than at 10:00
to mow the yard.
game of golf is 90% mental and 10%
Sometimes it seems as though your cup moveth over.
Golf combines two favorite American
pastimes: taking long walks and hitting
things with a stick.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
a game where the ball lies
poorly, and the players lie well.
Golf is the only sport where the most
feared opponent is yourself.
Golf's a hard game to figure. One day
you'll go out and slice it and shank it,
hit into all the traps and miss every
green. The next day you go out and for
no reason at all you really stink.
time your ball ever bites is when it
lands 30 feet short.
Golf is a game which the slowest people
in the world are in front of you, and
the fastest are behind.
If you watch a game, itís fun. If you
play it, itís recreation. If you work at
it, itís golf.
Golf is a game in which you yell ďfore,Ē
shoot six, and write down five.
are two things you can do with your
head down Ė play golf and pray.
permanently lower your golf score, lay off for three weeks, and then quit
select a club for a shot to the
green, there are three possible
outcomes: (1) It's the right club,
but you change your mind. (2) It's
the right club, but in the middle of
your backswing you decide it's the
wrong club so you hit it too hard or
too easy. (3) It's the wrong club.
If you leave your
2-iron at home, then your 3-iron
will become impossible to hit; if
you leave your 2- and 3- irons at
home, your 4-iron will become
impossible to hit.
longer to learn to be a good golfer
than it does to become a brain
surgeon. On the other hand, you
don't get to ride around on a cart,
drink beer, eat hot dogs and fart if
you are performing brain surgery.