Error must go somewhere. If your driver
is hot, your putter is ice cold; if you
can hit your irons, you will top your woods;
if you are keeping your right elbow tucked
in, your head will come up.
LAW #2: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic.
Though this cannot be proven in the lab,
it is a known fact that the more expensive
the golf ball, the greater its attraction
LAW #3: Golf balls from the same
"sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly
out of bounds or into the water (See Law
Hazards attract; fairways repel,
it's a universal magnetic phenomenon.
LAW #5: No matter what causes a golfer
to muff a shot, all his playing partners
must solemnly chant "You looked up," or
invoke the wrath of the universe.
LAW #6:.The inevitable result of any golf lesson
is the instant elimination of the one
critical unconscious motion that allowed
you to compensate for all of your many
LAW #7: Every par-three hole in the
world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers.
The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
Since bad shots come in groups of three,
a fourth bad shot is actually the
beginning of the next group of three.
hit on to the wrong green will
always land two feet from the hole.
LAW #10: If one of the guys in
your foursome cancels, you will always
be paired with a single who talks,
non-stop, for the entire round.
LAW #11: Golf carts always run out
of juice at the farthest point from the
LAW #12: A golfer hitting into your
group will always be bigger than anyone
in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally
hit into will consist of a football player,
a professional wrestler, a convicted
murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.
Your best round of golf will
be followed almost immediately by your worst
round ever. The probability of the latter
increases with the number of people you
tell about the former.
LAW #14: Golf balls never bounce off
of trees back into play. If one does, the
tree is breaking a law of the universe and
should be cut down.
Every time a
golfer makes a birdie, he must
subsequently make two triple bogeys to
restore the fundamental equilibrium of
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can
put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer
can put "straight" on the ball.
LAW #17: The person you would most
hate to lose to will always be the one who
Any change works for a maximum of three
holes - - or at a minimum of not at all.
The last three
holes of a round will automatically
adjust your score to what it really
should be, it's a universal
No matter how bad your last shot was, the
worst is yet to come. This law does not
expire on the 18th hole, since it has the
supernatural tendency to extend over the
course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually,