For most golfers, the only difference between
a one-dollar ball and a three-dollar ball
- is two dollars.
A perfectly straight
golf shot with a big club is a
Golf is not, and
never has been, a fair game.
Golfers who claim they never cheat also
The mind messes up
more shots than the body.
Most people play a
fair game of golf - if you watch
The only thing
constant about golf is its
Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect
A tap-in is the larval stage of a hop-out.
You really only need
four clubs to hit every bad shot in
ever got longer as the result of a
ball being marked.
Golf is a game of
misses. The guy who misses the best
is going to win.
The Mulligan was
invented by an Irishman who wanted
to hit one more twenty yard
A tap-in is a putt
that is short enough to be missed
Many shots are
spoiled at the last instant by
efforts to add a few more yards.
in golf consists of two steps
forward and 26.6 miles backward.
When you look up and cause an awful shot,
you will always look down again at exactly
the moment when you ought to start watching
the ball if you ever want to see it again.
Any change works for a maximum of three
holes and a minimum of not at all.
No matter how badly you are playing, it
is always possible to play worse.
The less skilled the player, the more likely
he is to share his ideas about the golf
The less intelligent the player, the more
certain he is to offer insights into the
mental side of the game.
The higher a golfer's handicap,
the more qualified he deems himself as an
on your opponent to inform you when
he breaks a rule is like expecting
him to make fun of his own haircut.
Taking more than two putts to get down on
a lightning-fast, steeply sloped green is
no embarrassment unless you had to hit a
wedge between the putts.
The shortest distance between any two points
on a golf course is a straight line that
passes directly through the center of a
very large tree.
are two kinds of bounces: unfair
bounces, and just the way you meant to play
You can hit a two-acre fairway 10% of the
time, and a two-inch branch 90% of the time.
99.99% of all matter is empty space, but
that last .01% will stop a golf ball dead.
If your ball disappears in the fairway of
a blind hole, it's probably because it rolled
into an anti-divot and vaporized.
It's a simple matter to keep your ball in
the fairway if you're not too choosy about
The frequency with which balls are lost
increases as the available supply decreases.
A ball you can see in the rough from 50
yards away is not yours.
If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball
in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.
If both balls are in the bunker, yours is
in the footprint.
The 25 footers that
you made in the store before you
bought that new putter are the last
you will ever make.