Funny Golf Dictionary -
Golf Dictionary - What
golf terms really mean
pro's putt that Zips out. The holes in professional
tournaments are painted white to make it
easier for TV viewers to see their location,
and sometimes the paint around the hole's
edge becomes crusty and makes the lip less
accommodating to putts. At least that's
what the pros say.
Par - Score achieved by a
golfer who had only a few great shots on
an entire round but somehow managed to
hit them all on the same hole.
- Match play team member who holes out from
a bunker to score a birdie on a hole you
were about to win with a tap-in for a par,
then putts out for a double bogey on a hole
where you lie six and your ball is 40 feet
from the cup.
Tee, a little stick you try to
balance your ball on...
- One or more strokes added to a
golfer's score for play in violation of
the rules. Players are penalized a
single stroke for simple infractions,
such as Lost Ball, Ball Out of Bounds
and Unplayable Ball. More serious
breaches, like Playing Wrong Ball and
Stopping or Deflecting Own Ball, carry a
penalty of two strokes. The most severe
violation penalties range from three to
five strokes and are assessed for:
Pocketing Opponent's Lost Ball, Kicking
Opponent's Ball Out of Bounds, Feeding
Opponent's Ball to a Dog, and Rendering
Opponent's Ball Unplayable by Running
Over It with a Power Golf Cart.
bag A small, thin golf bag often used
by kids to lighten the load. Also called
a summer bag because it's used in hot weather.
hockey When someone (not you, of course)
is charged with the awesome responsibility
of keeping score and then cheats by recording
erroneous scores, he is said to be playing
pencil hockey, which is akin to horse thievery
and subject to the same punishment—hanging!
To hit the ball and make little or no
contact with the ground. Accomplished with
a sweeping motion as opposed to the sharp
angle with which a digger attacks the ball.
A golfer who picks the ball is called a
picker. Greg Norman is a picker.
Up A term used to concede a putt. After
your opponent has missed the cup
four or five times, you can graciously suggest
that he pick it up.
An easy mark—the golfer everybody
wants to play against. If you hear
anyone refer to you as a pigeon, take up
The ball. The object of your frustration,
That evasive little round thing that
does what it wants - not what you want.
- Familiar term for the flagstick. A ball
that lands on the green even with the hole
but off to one side is "pin high." A ball
that lands right next to the hole, leaving
a very short putt, is "stiff to the pin."
Such putts are almost always conceded, but
some players insist on putting them anyway.
These players are called "pinheads."
Whenever the ball lies at the same elevation
as the hole.
- The location of the hole in each green
is changed regularly to distribute wear
evenly over the grass surface and to create
an additional challenge to golfers familiar
with the course. And, as golfers whose balls
mysteriously land in a pond or bunker they've
successfully avoided for months can attest,
the position of key sand traps and water
hazards is also periodically shifted and
the astronomical cost of operating heavy
earthmoving equipment at night and in secret
explains the high greens fees charged at
most golf courses.
A short, crisp shot played with firm
wrists, no divot, and little follow-through.
A shot that heads right for the flagstick
from the moment it leaves the club face.
The centre of the fairway, so named
because an irrigation pipe often runs down
- An approach shot made with a short iron.
There are four basic kinds of pitch shots:
one in which the ball is given top spin
to let it run along the green toward the
cup (pitch-and run);
one in which it is
given backspin to make it "sit down" and
stop next to the cup (pitch-and-stop);
in which it is shanked into a water
hazard or dense under growth
(pitch-and-search or pitch-and-destroy);
one in which
it is driven directly into the ground with
a half-top (pitch-and-moan).
and putt A derisive term given to golf
courses that are short and easily conquered,
so named because just a pitch and a putt
will get you into the hole.
and Run - same as a pitch but hit
with a lesser lofted club which causes
it to roll farther
- the rotation of the shoulders, waist,
and pelvis during the golf swing
A yardage marker that many courses have
embedded into their fairways. A red plate
means you are 100 yards from the centre
of the green, white is 150 yards, and blue
is 200. If you're more than 200 yards from
the green, don't bother looking for a plate.
What you need is a miracle.
Term that refers to greens that are
flat and sit up significantly higher than
the level of the fairway.
down To play the ball as it lies. The
only way to fly.
as It Lies - One of the two fundamental
dictates of golf. The other one is "Wear
It if It Clashes."
Through - A display of courtesy on the
course in which a group of golfers who have
stopped to search for lost balls conclude
that they are causing delay and, anxious
to spare the group behind them several minutes
of inactivity on the tee, stand aside and
invite that group to hit their drives so
they will be to profitably use the period
before they can resume play in a time-consuming
hunt for their own lost balls.
When your ball becomes imbedded in the
ground, it is plugged.
Plunker - the ball that's is under
that lip on the bunker you just go into.
A betting unit on a hole.
A golf ball specifically intended for
shots over water. Usually pond balls are
old, beat-up balls that don't constitute
much of a loss if they find the water, which
is exactly where they normally end up.
A short, crisp, abbreviated stroke on a
What a golfer does when he hits a shot
he's especially proud of, holding his follow-through
for everyone to admire.
A The ideal position from which to attack
Green - A putting area near the clubhouse
where players can try out chips, pitches
and putts. It is usually located near the
19th hole so players can also work on their
nips, drafts and snorts.
Tee - The place where golfers go to
convert a nasty hook into a wicked slice.
lie A euphemistic way of saying a golfer
has improved his lie. This can be done legally
in certain situations, but mostly it's done
A betting term that means a new match
is starting within the original match. This
press match continues until the end of the
original match, and the stakes are the same
for both matches. Presses are often automatic
when one side goes down two holes in the
on the Course - In determining the order
of play, the following rules should be applied:
which, when Mulligan's, take-over's
and practice shots are included, are
playing 10, 12 or 14 balls should give
way to matches playing 6 or 8 balls.
- A match
that is playing the course out of sequence
by cutting across from the green of
one hole to the tee of a much later
hole is entitled to pass a match that
sneaked onto the course without paying.
match that has a player in it posing
as a doctor who is late for a vital
operation takes precedence over a match
with a player pretending to be a judge
overdue at a key trial.
players have no standing and must give
way to a match consisting of two, three
or four golfers unless, through voice
changes and variations in stance and
gesture, they can convincingly fake
the symptoms of a multiple personality
- Sensible person who believes that individuals
who spend time playing golf professionally
are no different from those who engage in
some other similarly demanding occupation
such as strip mining or demolition work
and that, far from paying for the privilege,
they should actually receive financial
compensation for their labors.
- Challenging hazard located just before
the first tee at most golf courses.
Referred to as a pro shop because
generally only pro's can afford the
trick to getting out in under $10 is
concentration. Don't be distracted by
the leather golf bags, matched club
sets, radical new putter designs, smooth
gloves, shiny shoes or sporty golfing attire. Keep your
head down and your eyes on the ball
tees. Tell yourself that your golf clubs
aren't old-they're classics. Every item
of apparel you're wearing brings you luck.
Your shoes are perfectly broken in. Your
hat has character. Always use cash:
"charging" is one of the hardest golf habits
to break. Pick up your
purchase with a quick snap and dart for
the door. You may shoot 100 today, but you've
already saved the money you'll need to
pay for loosing your golf round!
The high side of the hole, so called
because more aggressive players generally
miss their putts on the high side, where
the ball has a greater chance of falling
into the cup.
The tees from which the golf course
plays the longest. The tees you do not want
Provisional Ball - an additional
ball which is hit in case the first ball
can not be found. If the first ball is
found, it is played. If the first ball
is not found, the provisional must be
played and the player is assessed a
- To hit a shot straight but to the left
of the intended target.
Identical to a knockdown shot. A low,
boring shot played with little wrist action
and little follow-through. Used to combat
To strike the ball perfectly and achieve
the intended ball flight and
- To hit a shot straight but to the right
of the intended target.
tack on it A request from one of your
fellow competitors to mark your ball, usually
just before he holes a twenty-five-footer
that breaks your heart.
- To hit a shot straight but to the left,
the right, beyond, short of, over or around
the intended target.
When you elect to finish a hole, even
though you may not be away, you are putting
out. It's permissible to do this if you
declare your intentions before doing so
and are just a few feet from the hole.
- Specialized club used on the green. The
putter differs from the other golf clubs
in the bag in that it always produces shots
that roll forward a few feet and stop.
Putting Green - the surface area
around the hole that is specially
prepared for putting.