Funny Golf Dictionary -
Golf Dictionary - What
golf terms really mean
terrible golfer. A person who hacks it around
the golf course. (See also dub and duffer.)
Hair Piece - When you take a
divot large enough that you could wear
Halve - In match play, to tie
a hole. Thus, if player A and player B both
have a 5 on the 14th hole, they have "halved"
the hole. Incidentally, that phrase is pronounced
"they have paved" because the "l" in "halve"
is silent, a fascinating fact that player
A may want to discuss with player B during
the latter's Backswing on the 15th tee.
egg it For partners in a competition
to take turns winning holes for their side.
As with a brother-in-law act, two stiffs
take turns getting lucky—at their opposition's
The five-fingered "club" attached to
the end of a golfer's arm.
- An allocation of strokes on one or more
holes that permits two golfers of very different
ability to do equally poorly on the same
A lie where the ball is above the golfer's
feet. Also what happens to a golfer caught
using a hand mashie.
feet A nervous condition that afflicts
golfers facing difficult shots. They just
can't seem to get settled properly before
taking their swing. A desirable trait to
look for in potential betting opponents.
- A man-made obstacle on the course, either
a bunker or a water hazard. It is against
the rules for players to "ground" their
clubs in a hazard, i.e., to allow the club
head to touch the sand or water before making
their shots. They may, however, bury
their own head in their hands, strike their
forehead with the base of their palms,
shake their head vigorously from side to
side (with or without their hand placed
on their brow) and, if it does not delay
the match, lightly and repeatedly tap their
head against a tree.
- The end of the club that produces bollixes
and miss-hits as opposed to the end of the
club that produces calluses and blisters.
- When a club accidentally slips out of
your hands and twirls through the air.
- Tough, resilient wood originally used
for golf club shafts. The chromed steel
tubing employed today has superior strength
and durability, but old-time golfers insist
that there is nothing more satisfying than
the crisp snap of a hickory-shafted club
being broken sharply across the knee or
the delicate aroma of an entire set of clubs
burning merrily in a fireplace.
in the head To hit the top of the ball.
(See also top.)
back A large mound used in the design
of a golf green. (See also elephant burial
- To hit
the ball into the hole, as in "I holed
my putt for a five."
cup in the green into which the ball
is hit, as in "Five" Try again, buster-you're
in the hole in twelve."
of 9 or 18 playing areas constituting
a golf course, as in "On that hole I
had a drive, two Approach shots and
two putts-that makes five."
- A missing
element or discrepancy in a narrative
or a fault or flaw in logic or reasoning,
as in "Your story is full of holes-what
about those two lost balls, the stroke
in the water hazard and the out-of-bounds
- An aperture
or opening, as in "You have a hole in
your head-those were practice swings."
as in "You lost, you weasel-you're in
the hole to me for fifty bucks."
- An embarrassing
predicament or position, as in "Oh,
yeah? Well, I'm not paying, so how do
you like them apples? But you fork over
fifty clams or you'll be in a real hole
at work when I tell your' boss about
how when you're supposed to be with
your clients you're out on the golf
course and your wife about that fox
you met on the putting green"
- An excavation
or cavity, as in "The body was found
in a shallow hole in a sand trap by
the thirteenth green."
High - an approach shot which is
even with the hole but off to one side.
- An occurrence in which a ball is hit directly
from the tee into the hole on a single shot
by a golfer playing alone.
Out - the process of a player
completing the hole.
Where you're at and what you are when
everything is going just the way you want.
- A place where your chief handicap is that
everyone knows exactly what it is.
The eighteenth and final hole on any
golf course, so named because the golfer
is Approaching home-the nineteenth hole.
- The privilege of being laughed at first
on the tee.
- to hit the ball and have it curve
gradually from right to left (for
the club A stroke in which the golfer
moves his hands ahead and tilts the club
head forward (to reduce the club's loft).
Done to make the ball fly lower or to get
more distance than normal from a club.
Slice- To hit a shot that curves sharply
left (hook) or right (slice), respectively.
Players who do one or the other should consider
changing the way they stand, hold the club,
or swing. Players who do both should consider
changing the way they spend their weekends.
for courses Players (horses) who play
certain courses well because those courses
fit their style of play. Ben Hogan played
Riviera Country Club very
well, so the course became known as Hogan's
Alley. Mark O'Meara plays Pebble Beach
very well, having won there on four occasions.
Whether you're a thoroughbred or a nag,
you probably play some courses better than
- the hollow part of the clubhead that
the shaft fits into.
Hot A ball that is travelling at
a high rate
of speed without much backspin (and many
times at a lower trajectory than desired)
is said to be hot. A ball may come into
the green hot or out of the rough hot. In
most cases, this shot will run along the
ground or green much farther than desired,
making the golfer hot, too.
When a caddie is carrying a golf bag
around the course, he's humping it.
Term for an illegal tactic in which
a golfer inches closer to the hole when
replacing a marked ball on the green. If
your opponent hits his Approach shot twenty
feet from the hole but his first putt is
only a fifteen-footer, add huncher to the
list of names you call him.
out A golfer who attempts to play a
draw but hits a straight shot instead is
said to have hung it out.