Funny Golf Dictionary -
Golf Dictionary - What
golf terms really mean
- The spectators at a golf tournament. Golf
fans enjoy a much higher degree of participation
in their favorite sport than their counterparts
seated in stadiums could ever dream of:
they get almost as much exercise as the
players themselves, they can wear the identical
playing outfits without the slightest embarrassment,
they stand at least as good a chance of
being injured during the course of play
as even the top golfer in the country does,
and they can enter upon and do serious damage
to the playing field before and during the
contest as well as after it is over.
Game - A competitive round of
golf, but also a particular golfer's style
of play. Over time, golfers tend to progress
through several basic kinds of "game": great
drives, poor Approach shots and lousy putting;
awful drives, foul Approach shots and superb
putting; perfect drives, rotten Approach
shots and dreadful putting; and ping-pong,
bowling and croquet.
What putts left on the amateur side of the
hole run out of.
A message from golfer to ball asking
it to cease flying—now! Usually heard
after a ball is hit too far or offline;
almost always uttered with great agitation.
The opposite of get down, an exhortation
used to urge a putt or shot to travel
farther toward the hole. Also used by Golfer
A to urge Golfer B to regain consciousness
after Golfer A has hit Golfer B in the head
with an errant iron shot.
- A conceded putt, shortened from the phrase
"Give it to me." Gimme's are the centre
of many golfing controversies, especially
among the ranks of amateurs who are always
looking for an opponent to concede a putt,
even if their ball is off the green. See
In The Leather .
give An agreement between a golfer and
his opponent to give each other their next
putt. Usually the result of two amateurs
with a shared fear of the short game. (See
also good, good.)
school To learn about the speed and
direction of a putt or chip by observing
another putt or chip on the same or similar
line is golf's version of going to school.
Smart golfers also go to school on their
own putts and chips and watch as they roll
past the hole to get a look at any break
that will effect the putt coming back.
A poorly maintained golf course. (See
also dog track.)
Nickname for the group of PGA Tour
players who hold regular prayer meetings
at professional golf tournaments.
A shot that goes much farther than normal
for the club being used. A member of the
This synonym for drop kick gets its
name from Charlie and Pete Gogolak, two
former NFL placekickers.
- The derivation of the word "golf 'from
its Celtic and Middle English roots is obscure.
Some possibilities are: gil f f (an incurable
madness), gylf (a notorious liar), gullf
(to beat a shrub with a short stick), golve
(under; beneath; lost; blocked; submerged;
stuck; obstructed), gellvo (horribly; terribly;
hopelessly; awfully), galfa (my God!; oh,
no!), goal fyl (to cry; to weep) and gael
f (I quit). See Kolven.
- Gadgets whose purchase improves players'
games primarily by eliminating bulk from
their wallets, thereby reducing excessive
trouser friction and allowing a smooth hip
movement in the swing.
- Portable container with compartments designed
to hold clubs, balls and other golfing accessories.
There are two basic types of golf bag, and
serious players usually own one of each:
an inexpensive canvas or nylon "carry" bag
that would have been easy to tote around
the home course if the shoulder strap hadn't
broken on the 3rd tee, and a more durable
vinyl or leather "travel" bag that would
have been used on a golf trip if the airline
had not sent it to a continent other than
the one on which the course its owner planned
to play is located.
- Two-wheeled bag carrier that decreases
the exercise value of playing 18 holes of
golf from about the level of two sets of
doubles tennis to the equivalent of an hour
and a half of shopping. With a four-wheeled
electric cart, the physical demands of the
game can be reduced even further to about
the same as 10 minutes of rearranging sofa
cushions, watering a dozen plants or one
complete loading and unloading of a dishwasher.
- 1. The basic implement in golf, which
consists of along shaft on one end of which
is the head, which is attached to the shaft
at the heel and has on one side a distinct
face. 2. A social organization built around
a golf course and composed of a number of
heels, a membership committee head with
two faces, and a long waiting list of people
who are going to get the shaft.
- An unpleasant odor worn on the hand.
- Mysterious ailment whose sudden but short-lived
symptoms of violent coughing and sneezing
usually occur on the tee or green. It can
often be cured by pounding the sufferer
vigorously on the back with a 5-iron.
A player known for constantly citing
the rules, usually to the detriment of your
score. This character may sound versed on
the rules of the game, but he's probably
trying to take advantage of you. If you're
playing with a golf lawyer, carry a copy
of the Rules of Golf with you at all times.
- There are two basic kinds of special footgear
that golfers can choose from: traditional
golf shoes with metal spikes and the newer
rubber-studded models. There are a number
of differences between the two designs,
but the question of which type to select
really boils down to whether you want a
shoe that you can blame for spoiling your
shot because its spikes caught in the turf
during your Backswing or one you can blame
because its studs slipped in the grass during
- Non-playing wife of an obsessive golfer.
Just for the record, judges have consistently
decided that although golf clearly is "extreme
mental cruelty," it is not grounds for divorce
since "the unspeakable sufferings are experienced
exclusively by the player and not by the
one abandoned as the result of such play"
(Humphrey v. Humphrey). On the other hand,
courts have been equally firm in throwing
out wills altered in favor of favorite golf
holes (Alexander v. Trust for the Mowing
of the Rough on the Back Nine at Smokey
Valley C.C.), bequests to dubious sporting
foundations (Bennett v. The Society for
the Perfection of the Backswing) and posthumous
gifts for the care and preservation of treasured
clubs (Howard v. Irons, Woods, et al.).
- A pastime that gives people cooped up
in the office all week a chance to lie and
- Period of time spent playing golf in a
place where the rain is warm or where notices
indicating that a course is closed due to
inclement weather are posted in a foreign
good See give, give. When two golfers
have putts that lie similar distances from
the cup, one player will say, "Your putt
is good if mine is good." Used mostly by
amateur players who fear short putts.
- this is the direction that the grass
on the green is growing.
- A roughly circular area of smooth, lush
grass whose verdant hue is the result of
regular sprinkling and constant sobbing,
bawling, blubbering and whimpering.
& Sandy - Two popular side bets in which
the players in a foursome agree to ante
up a small amount of money to be
awarded to the first player on the green
on each hole ("greenie") and to any of their
number who get out of a sand trap and into
the hole in two strokes ("sandy"). Other
common golfing wagers include paying a set
sum of money to the player who uttered the
fewest four-letter words during the round
("cleanie") and the player who threw the
smallest number of clubs ("gandhi").
Fees - The charge for playing a round
of golf. When paying this fee, mediocre
players should keep in mind the fact that
whereas golfers who regularly shoot par
are shelling out nearly a quarter for every
shot they take, a hopeless duffer is paying
a mere eight or nine cents a stroke.
- The end of the club that slips, twists,
rips or flakes, as distinct from the end
of the club that rusts, splits, chips or
cracks. See HEAD.
Term used for a golfer who is all business.
A player whose only mission is to achieve
the best score possible. A hard worker.
A serious player. Boring. Tom Kite.
and rip it To forget about all those
"swing thoughts" and take a healthy rip
at the ball. This phrase became popular
after the prodigious swinger John Daly and
his Herculean drives, won the 1991 PGA title
at Crooked Stick. When asked about his style,
Daly said, "I just grip it and rip it."
money Winnings from a golf bet that
the winner pledges to spend on food and
drink, or groceries, usually at the nineteenth
- the total number of strokes a player
takes on his round.
A golf shot that never leaves the ground.
(See also worm burner.}
Grounding the Club - placing the
clubhead on the ground behind the ball
at address position.
Under Repair - an area on the golf
course that is being repaired. Golfers
are able to take a "free drop" if their
ball ends up in ground under repair.
1. golfer's plea for the ball to stop quickly.
(See also bite, chew) 2. something Tiger
Woods did after he broke fifty for nine
Action, backspin, juice. When you want
your ball to stop quickly, you have to put
some growl on it.